The BeHeld Code.

How you treat the room

You'll treat everyone in the room with respect — regardless of who you find interesting, who you don't, or whether someone ultimately becomes someone you want to know more.

You'll listen as much as you speak, you won't dominate conversations or activities, and you'll let other people have their full turn.

You'll be willing to be a little more honest than usual — and you'll receive other people's honesty with the same care you'd want extended to yours.

How you treat the people

You won't pursue anyone who hasn't expressed mutual interest, neither at the event nor after.

If someone tells you no, says they're not interested, asks for space, or doesn't reciprocate, you'll respect that immediately and completely — no re-asking, no pressuring, no "just one more drink," no "let me change your mind."

You won't make sexual or romantic advances toward anyone in a way that makes them uncomfortable, before or after the event. If you're unsure whether something is welcome, you'll ask — directly, once, and you'll honor whatever answer you get.

You won't use anything someone shared in the room — about their work, their personal life, what they care about — in ways they wouldn't want. What's said in the room stays oriented toward the people in it.

How we'll respond

If someone tells us a participant made them feel unsafe, disrespected, or pressured — at the event or in conversations after — we'll take all reports seriously and investigate.

Behavior that crosses into harassment, coercion, threats, or identity-based abuse will result in immediate removal from BeHeld with no refund and no future participation. The affected party will receive a full refund of any current or future BeHeld events they choose not to attend as a result.

For lower-level issues — rudeness, repeated boundary-pushing, ghosting without communication — we'll have a direct conversation with you. If the pattern continues, we'll remove you.

We reserve the right to remove anyone, at any time, for any behavior that threatens the safety or trust of the room. We'd rather lose a paying participant than lose the conditions that make BeHeld work.

What you can ask of us

You can stop a match at any time, for any reason — named or unnamed — by replying to any email from us. We'll handle it without involving you further. You don't owe anyone an explanation, including us.

You can leave any event at any point if something isn't working. The structure exists to carry good dynamics through awkward middles. It's not designed to keep you in something that's not working.

You can tell us anything. We'll take it seriously.

By submitting your application, you're agreeing to the above. We'll send you a copy by email so it's easy to find.